the DL on my HDL

This Thursday was the annual Health Fair that my hospital hosts. All employees are encouraged to attend, and as an incentive, all that complete a biometric panel at this fair will receive a $50 gift card. Being painfully frugal as I am, I was set on going - so much so, in fact, I set my alarm for 5:00am so I would miss the Ft. Worth traffic and be one of the first in line.

As usual, the fair was packed with employees, which made me thankful that I chose to wake up early and beat the long lines. First up was the BMI station. I gathered that some lessons had been learned since the last health fair I attended, because a scale was provided for us to stand on for our weight. As far as my height was concerned, they took my word for it. After putting that information into a hand-held device, I had to place the device in both my hands and sqeeze it with my palms. It estimated my body fat percentage. I was flattered by its lies.

Next station: Blood pressure screening. Nothing too exciting about that station, I already knew I had healthy blood pressure.

Now for the moment I had been starving myself for the past 12 hours: Blood Glucose and Cholesterol Station. The girl swabbed the ring finger on my left hand with alcohol, and stuck it with a lancet. A thin tube about the size of a ball point pen's ink cartridge collected maybe three drops of blood. She sent me off to wait for my results. I ventured off to the Nutrition stand to collect a handy-dandy Salad Shaker (what can I say, I'm a sucker for free shit at health fairs).
I came back and eagerly got my results.

Blood sugar was a gorgeous 84mg/dL, something to call home and brag about.
Total Cholesterol was 222 (which was not great, since it should be less than 200), so that kinda ruffled me. HDL (which is the "healthy" cholesterol, or the good type) was 27. 2-effin-7! I nearly died. A "normal" level of HDL is supposed to be greater than 40. Here I am almost at the half-way point. This is where being a Cardiac ICU nurse did not do me any favors. Suddenly my defenses ran wild:

Denial: There's no way that damn test could be right! When we draw cholesterol panels, we have to get 3mL's of blood, not 3 drops! These results are inaccurate.
Anger: I can't believe I drove all the way to freakin Ft. Worth to get some BS blood test results.
Bargaining: (as I was paying for the food I ordered at Taco Bueno) Alright, after today, no more fast food and I'm going to exercise for 45min to an hour tonight.

Of course, I immediately decided to set an appointment with a doctor. However, in the hour or so before the office opened, I decided to be a good nurse and do internet research.

Now, for those that don't know, nurses (and probably doctors for that matter) can't stand patients or family members that research their symptoms or disease online. The inernet is full of lies, misinformation, and myths, and dammit, we went to school to learn about all that so just take our word for it! However, I couldn't resist. Thanks to a wonderful Heart Attack Risk Calculator, I have a 25% chance of having a heart attack in the next 10 years. Delightful news. To top it off, my grandparents on both sides have serious heart disease requiring surgical intervention, and both my parents have slightly high cholesterol. All I can invision is someone with their hand in my groin as I'm having a cardiac catheterization in the near future - or worse, open heart surgery.

So moral of the story, in an effort to get a free $50 gift card, I instead received a weekend full of stress/death-anxiety and Monday I have to pay my $50 co-pay anyhow.

PSA: For everyone 20 years and older, current recommendations are that you have your cholesterol checked at least every 5 years, sooner (like every 1-2 years) is you have family history or pre-existing hyperlipidemia. Get it checked people! Cholesterol is serious business.